Getting naked is unavoidable in a locker room at the gym.

I’m not one of those people who sits in the steam room with a towel wrapped around me. I don’t get dressed in the bathroom stall. But I don’t cruise the locker room trying to check chicks out either. I get dressed and undressed, and outta there as soon as possible.

Yet, body parts MOVE, and when you see someone bouncing toward you as they parade around the locker room, it’s a full-fledged spectacle. Or how about if you’re sitting on the bench tying up your shoes and glance over to find someone’s crotch in your face because they put their leg up on the bench in order to lotion up…

I can relate to how hot it can get when you’re blow drying your hair (but still — bra and panties are not THAT hot!). I also know how annoying the little gym towel can be. At my old gym, they had these tiny towels that would covered very little. That damn towel was so small, I had to decide which boob or butt cheek to cover because it couldn’t do both. (I love the towels at my new gym — and they stock Kiehl’s products!) This goes way beyond towel coverage issues and way into the attention-seeking category.

Here are the naked crazies to  be avoided:

• The naked woman who hitches her leg up on the bench to put on lotion.
• The naked woman who blowdries her hair while posing,  looking in the mirror, raising her arms, or God-forbid, bending over to dry the back.
• The naked woman who parades around for no apparent reason.
• The half-naked woman. She chooses to completely drape either her top or bottom with a towel and then the rest runs free.
• The ungroomed naked woman. I know that everybody doesn’t go to Brazil. But damn.
• The naked woman who chats to you while drying off.
• The naked woman who’s tapping on her blackberry or talking on the phone (I don’t won’t to be the locker room monitor, but phones are not allowed!)

Number of times I used the word naked in this post: 14.