I’m very happy with my life. Dating is important to me, but a man is really just the icing on the cake. Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t use that analogy since the icing is my favorite part of a cake. But I digress.

I’m also very realistic about who I am. And, I readily admit that I have some dealbreakers that don’t really make sense. Sure, I might be passing up some desirable candidates with these non-starters, but I. Just. Can’t.

The one with bad grammar. It took a while, but I’ve finally discovered and accepted that I have to be with someone who’s an excellent communicator. This eliminates anyone who can’t speak coherently or write complete sentences. Also, if you ask me to repeat myself constantly, I’m tapping out.

The one who doesn’t drink. I’m just done with that. There are too many activities non-drinkers can’t participate in. What does a non-drinker do at a wine tasting? Or a brunch? Or a wedding? The lifestyle difference is just too drastic.

The one who says “have a blessed day.” I know you think you’re being nice by texting this to me in the morning, but the phrase annoys me. There’s something presumptuous about you thinking you can bless my day. I (me! moi!) make my day what it’s going to be, thanks.

The one who calls. Can’t you just text me? I have things to do.

The one who acts old. Age is irrelevant. It’s about attitude. If you act tired and not adventurous. If it’s always too loud. Or always too cold. Or you don’t want to go someplace because of the possibility of crowds. Or you’re still printing things out. If you’re wearing leather pants from 1994, no amount of yoga and meditation will give me enough patience to deal with you.

The one who’s a security guard. This might seem like a weird category, but somehow I have a security guard magnet and nothing I do is breaking down this force field. The horrible suit. The fact that you spend your whole day talking sports. Or, the reality that you have your leg hoisted up on the desk while you’re trying to talk to me … None of this is a win.

The one who doesn’t get what I do. I know that my own family can’t even explain what I do, but at least learn to pretend! Or, just stop asking.

The one who hates New York. One, I just don’t get you and two, I can’t see myself leaving. Except maybe for Paris. For  a while.

This shouldn’t eliminate that many guys, right? So I’m looking to be set up. Anyone have a candidate who does NOT have these dealbreakers?