I’m just gonna say it. Why are so many of the single men my age in Texas bald?

I know it’s my own fault for waiting this long to want to be in a serious relationship. But I didn’t think the general population would run out of hair before I got around to settling down.

Do the ones with hair never divorce? I’m imaging a woman sitting there biting her nails, thinking, He’s getting on my damn nerves, but he’s one of the few men with hair. Maybe I should stick it out.

Is there something about the air here that  ruins hair follicles?

Do Texas males not believe in preventive measures like Rogain or taking a Propecia pill daily? (Those work! They really work!)

Is baldness so acceptable here that even guys WITH hair choose to be bald as a fashion statement? Or for comfort, perhaps?

Is it the cowboy hats?

Lack of vanity?

Now some of you, perhaps even a loved one, might be thinking, but I’m bald. Does this mean you’ve been judging me all this time and think I’m unattractive? 

Absolutely not! I most definitely am NOT talking about you my love. If I haven’t made a move on you by now, you’re not being referred to here. I’m talking about the man I want to marry. 

You, It doesn’t matter whether you have hair or not. I’m not going to share a bed with you and roll over at night and see your big bald dome on the pillow next to me. The moonlight will be bouncing off of it and all I’ll be able to think is “And the cow jumped over the moon.”

So, by all means, rock your look however you’d like (except no pleated front pants, please).

Back to the ones, I am referring to: my potential husbands. Single men aged 36-49. I’ve Tindered and used other online meeting apps in Dallas and Houston (so that’s why I’m using a generic Texas even though I realize they don’t represent the whole state). And, I’ve been in public. One could put ten, 40-year old men of all races in a room and there wouldn’t be a thousand hairs to share between them.

You do not see this number of bald men in other places like LA. Or Miami. And certainly not in New York. That I can affirm. 

So what’s up with all the baldies, Texas?