1. Scandal
Did I catch it too late? There’s no sex and Kerry Washington, dare I say, has been made asexual. The only scandals I see are her sporting those horrible politician-like pants suits and a regrettable weave. She’s a beautiful woman! At least put some red lipstick on her!

2. The food scene in Harlem
Actually everything about Harlem. Maybe like LA vs NY, you’re either a Brooklyn fan or a Harlem fan. There’s really no reason for me to venture beyond 62nd street, except for the museums.

3. Taylor Swift
She has made victimhood a sport. Even though I can’t think of anyone in Hollywood whose legs are open more often than hers, mom-jeans wearing women in fly-over states have proclaimed her a great role model for their little princesses. It doesn’t matter how many men can describe your vajayjay, as long as you have blond hair, buck teeth and sing country music, slut-shaming be damned, you are as virginal as pure snow. Nevermind that someone has peed on that snow.

4. Honey Boo Boo
Today, I was in Midtown and was given some of those enormous plastic glasses that are given out on New Year’s Eve. I assumed that they were 2013 glasses. No, they were NYE glasses with the words “Honey Boo Boo” on them. I was about to throw them away when an excited passerby begged me for them. Why is everyone talking about this child? She’s not even cute!

5. Rag & Bone jeans for women
Trust me, they make your ass look FLAT. Walk on by.

Greenpoint Brooklyn closes out the list, it’s just to hard to get to.