Your Balls Don’t Get Their Own Seat

ImageTaking public transportation is usually pretty great. You have time to read, no car traffic to fight. What’s more, it’s an efficient and cost-effective way to get around.

There’s just something about summer that stirs up my irritation at the things we straphangers have to put up with.

Men who take up two seats

Dude, your Metrocard doesn’t entitle you to a second seat to air out your balls. You don’t get to sit all wide-legged and then get mad when I ask to sit down.

Candy-selling kids

When does school start again? I’m so over these kids going through cars selling candy. Were they set loose by some opportunist dentist? Or maybe it was Dr. Z.

Short and funky

If you don’t wear deodorant, please don’t hold the handrail at the top. Instead, use the pole and avoid lifting your arm and fumigating the room. Short people who come to breast level and act like they want to lay their head right on your breasts also need to move out of the way.

Yes, you deserve a seat, but…

Disabled people who have a choice of available seats but pout or get angry because they prefer a certain seat.

Sick passengers

The “sick passengers” who cause constant delays on the L and F train. For years, I was convinced it was just models, artists or novelists who needed a sandwich. But the other day, the sick passenger was on the car I was in. Witnessing that she was an elderly woman, I felt bad about trivializing. But there has to be a better way to get sick people aide without, in this case, causing an L train stoppage for nearly an hour!

Rats

Obvi.

For some balance, here’a a list of things I love about the subway. 

  • Men — gentlemen — who stand or yield when a seat becomes free.
  • People on the “L” train on the way out or coming back from an evening. It’s like theater.
  • The Eastern Parkway-bound train on Labor Day. The party starts there!
  • Any train on a warmish Halloween. I’ll take shirtless hot guys any time.
  • Little kids going on field trips. They are just so freaking cute.
  • Morning commuters — they are generally silent, spend their time reading, and it’s fun to guess the kind of job people have by what they’re wearing.
  • Riding the train after a concert or ball game. Everybody on the train has just come from the same event and the energy is INSANE.
  • Air conditioned cars — you gotta admit the freezing train feels pretty good after being outside or standing on that hot platform.
  • Great ad campaigns. The ones that have us talking. Haven’t seen any of those in a while.
  • This tribute on the way home after MJ passed.
  • Being on for 30 minutes with chatter all around you and none of it is in English.
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