I realize that men who want to date us tell us the things they think we want to hear. Unfortunately though, we’re all very different and what sounds great to one woman will sound like torture to another.

LONG WALKS…

One example is the long walk. Glance over a few online dating profiles and at least 90% of the straight men will mention that they enjoy long walks.* Meet a new prospect while out and about and when asked what they like to do, at least 50% of men will say they enjoy long walks.* Who the hell wants to go on these walks and what kind of shoes is she wearing? What is the weather like? How does her hair hold up? You bitches need to stop telling men this is what we enjoy. You know it only takes one of us to say this and men hold on to it for life.

And men, I know you can show up in jeans and fresh sneaks, but check out what a woman has on before suggesting a stroll. Just so you know, there is no graceful way to hike through the cobblestone-lined Meatpacking District in heels (and do you really want us to walk past the Louboutin store?). I know the long walk is a cheap date, but unless we’re at a minimum, strolling over the Brooklyn Bridge, it’s also a boring one.

I’LL WEAR THE APRON…

Another one is that so many man I’ve met over the past few years thinks that telling me they can cook will impress me. The, “I’ll cook for you” guy. Sounds romantic to some women, but the idea is not at all appealing to me. To me, I envision a guy in an apron covered with BBQ sauce and me in a life stuck in the house. As a part of this life, I imagine that I’ll wear Capri pants, won’t be able to name a new restaurant to save my life, will no longer have maid service and will say things like, “My God, movies cost $13 now?!”

I think this so-called holy grail (a man who can cook)  comes from some women being overly congratulatory to men who can cook. Why is this a big deal? If he’s over 30 and lives alone, isn’t it just a basic life skill? What exactly are we fawning over? Men should be insulted by this assumption that their competence in the kitchen is unusual. In fact, aren’t most famous chefs men?

Recently I met a guy who doesn’t cook. He said he lives in the city with plenty of restaurants and plans to take advantage of all of them. I’m totally smitten.

Random bar talk…

Have you met the I-hate-New-York set? These men begin a conversation by saying how they hate New York. You are from New York. You live in New York. We’re standing in a bar in New York City. Where can this conversation possibly go?

Not only does it makes you look super negative, but it makes you sound like you’re in the market for a minivan — which is never an appealing thought. In fact, I don’t understand how marriages survive once a minivan is introduced. While we’re on it, really any kind of complaining is the wrong way to start a conversation. The DJ being whack…it being hot… the food portions not being large enough…there not being any interesting people there that night (even though I’m there)… none of those are the right way to get a conversation started. Maybe you should take a long walk.

*Statistics based on a focus group of one.